Forgiveness is our cooperation with what Jesus already did. Or how did this make you feel?” And when they say it, the very best thing to say back to them is, “I believe you.” That may not have been your intention, but if that was their experience, just say, “I believe you. For many of us, fractured relationships have been a huge part of 2020. Lysa TerKeurst sat down with RELEVANT to tell us about her new book. Read Next. “The scales of justice will not tilt back in balance until this person sees how wrong they are and recognizes that they should never have done this.” Treating them with this bitter barrier is almost the only way you can figure out to protect yourself and to teach that person a lesson. Do we need to relinquish our need for justice in order to truly forgive someone? , the marked moment when she chose to forgive and how we can do the same. I think the part of it that feels good to me is to know that I am taking the right steps to walk toward healing. 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This has escalated the tension points of normal issues, adding an extra twist of stress to stuff that already caused internal conflict. It does not tell us that we will be able to forget or that we will always be able to reconcile with the person who has hurt us. ( Log Out /  What is the appeal to resisting forgiveness? Here’s the thing that makes forgiveness so complicated: The minute we say the word forgiveness is the minute that we start thinking of all of the places in our heart where we’ve been deeply wounded and the people that have hurt us. And I’m so sorry that my actions made you feel that way. This book, written by a rabbi, teaches us how to shift our perception-moving beyond the pain and mistrust and allowing ourselves to say, with honesty and an open heart, "I want you … Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Forgiveness is both a decision and it’s a process. For more on the topic of forgiveness, see these posts: Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your account. It hasn’t been my experience that it immediately feels good, no. It may not be possible to reconcile with that other person. We have to remember that forgiveness is not based on our determination, gritting our teeth. Forgiving What You Can't Forget Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again by Lysa TerKeurst Nelson Books You Like Them Thomas Nelson Christian | Religion & Spirituality Pub Date 17 Nov 2020 | Archive Date 17 Nov 2020 This is a timely and beautifully written book. Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again at Can you tell me a little bit about that? Duration: 26:53. Her approach is both practical, empathetic and biblical. I was very resistant, but I’m so thankful that’s where I’ve started. I know I have held on to some hurt for way too long. And as God’s forgiveness flows to us, we have to let it then flow through us. We have to remember that forgiveness is when we decide to unhitch our healing from another person’s choices. As Lysa says, “Holding on to thoughts of resentment is like pulling a belt so tight across the middle of our thoughts that it prevents us from ever completely relaxing and resting and certainly makes future growth near to impossible.”. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I say: list out all the facts of how you’ve been hurt and then through them go one by one by one. In this six-session Bible study (study guide sold separately), Lysa TerKeurst has … How I like to say it is, “I forgive this person for this fact of how they’ve hurt me. Not just for your sake, but for the sake of all mankind. Will you please forgive me?” And then you can ask them, “Do you have it to give for me to share with you my real intention? Reconciliation is deciding to reattach, in some capacity, where we are allowing that other person’s choices to affect us. I don’t know how this story is going to turn out. Just because we think … Is It Too Late? But feelings are indicators, they’re not dictators. I think if we can be patient enough to listen to, acknowledge and to believe that the experience that they had was hurtful and then to apologize, and then to ask if they have it to give for us to share our real intention, that’s where productive conversations can happen. You feel like it’s a protective barrier against someone that’s hurt you. She emphasizes that forgiveness is a decision, but also a process. Learn how your comment data is processed. Old traumas were given new life. Forgiving What You'll Never Forget Click above for access to book on Forgiveness has been a controversial topic in the media lately. I am going to walk in healing.”, Practically speaking, we don’t start with forgiveness. I sat down across from my counselor and he said, “Lysa, do you want to heal?” And I said, “Yes, I do want to heal.” And he said, “Well, then today’s a great day to work on forgiveness.” And I thought back to myself, “Are you high? Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again Even after we have forgiven a particular person and let go of resentment, it may surface again when we encounter a trigger that reminds us of the event or situation. Why do we want to hold onto the anger? We don’t have to wait for that other person to learn the lesson, say they’re sorry or even realize what they did was wrong. Instantly, the very idea of forgiveness can make people back up, cross their arms and like, “Uh-uh.” I think a lot of us say, “It’s too soon to forgive,” until we say, “It’s too late to forgive.” But it always seems like we can’t quite find that perfect place in the middle to forgive. Painful events from long ago, can continue to fuel anger that makes us easily offendable.